The Year in Prudie

I haven't read this column before but it was fascinating to read about her views on certain issues and how very different a lot of people seem to feel about those same issues. I'll summarize a few of the high points, but I would encourage reading the whole thing yourself of course.

Apparently a lot of her readers felt it was a ridiculously antiquated notion that marriage and childbirth should be associated if not joined at the hip shall we say. I strongly agree with her basic assertions that while it may not be advisable to marry the guy/gal you had a one night stand with, it is perfectly reasonable and responsible to marry your long term partner that you are already in a committed relationship with. I would go a step further and encourage those in such a relationship to save themselves for each other and wait for marriage to have the children that will likely result from intimate encounters. Some would call this old fashioned or prudish. I can understand that, but I still think it is the best approach. I won't deny the accusation of being traditional or old fashioned in some of my beliefs. I won't make any excuses either. I'm not going to be self righteous and say I'm perfect and so should everyone else be. I'm far from it. I just think these are good goals and ideals to be held up. Life and people are not perfect. That doesn't keep us from striving towards that goal. I don't always progress forwards on that regard, but I put my efforts toward that direction. I may falter at times or stumble, but I know that there is always another opportunity to redeem myself. This can be applied to anyone of course, but that's how I feel about it.

I also would tend to agree that stable happy couples should have children. I'm not advocating anyone making those kinds of decisions for anyone else. I do think that stable happy couples are the ideal setting for childrearing. That is the cornerstone for stable happy children. Let's not confuse the issue though. Having children is a big responsibility. They don't call it life changing for no reason. Being a fairly new parent I can vouch for that. That being said, I feel very blessed and fortunate to be a parent. The joy of raising your own children is something truly wonderful. It is not all joy and happiness of course. There are frustrations, trying experiences galore. This is no different than any other life experiences as far as I know. The rewards are more than worth it I think. There are probably other parents out there who would agree with me here. You love your kids and you do your best to raise them right. You hope for the best for them. That is what being a parent is all about. In the process you get to share in their struggles and their triumphs. This can be a great experience. All that aside, having children is best done in the safety and security of a stable and committed relationship. Marriage is ideal for this purpose. That's what it is for. Before I get any griping about marriage being between two people, yes of course it is. Guess what, marriage is a lifetime commitment. I know the mass media and society at large tend to make light of that fact. Your vows indicate as such. Until death us do part. Death only happens once in a lifetime. That means you are supposed to be married to this person for your whole life. Barring any miraculous and somewhat irresponsible people, most married people find they have a lot of life left after they have raised their kids. If you do it right, you get to be grandparents too, but that still leaves an awful lot of time for just you and your spouse. From what I hear, being a grandparent is far superior to being a parent as well. If you plan well, you may be close to retirement by the time that happens. Then you get to enjoy life for real. You can do what you want when you want together. That is certainly something I am looking forward to. I think that should cover it. Hope I made some sort of point here.

Here's a great quote from the article:

I maintain that children themselves are little throwbacks, since they have a strong aversion to watching their parents search for "the one." And when a child is eventually old enough to do the math and figures out that mom was pregnant when she married dad, is that really so terrible? Is it worse than knowing that while mom and dad were willing to have sex with each other, they didn't even love each other enough to commit to being a family?

I wholeheartedly agree. What message would you send to your child if you are willing to have them with someone but not willing to make an environment hospitable to raising them properly? I understand and acknowledge there are certain situations where this is not possible. I will maintain that this doesn't change the impression your child gets from their environment. Unfortunately, they may grow up and have issues with their own lives. Hopefully, they will come to the realization that they are not responsible for their parent(s)' mistakes but only for their own. In fact, they should do their best to learn from other's mistakes and build on that knowledge for their own betterment in the future. This is not always possible. We still have to make some mistakes for ourselves, that is part of growing up and life in general. Mistakes can be a great learning experience though. Whether they are our own or our parents' they can be used for the best.

There was an interesting discussion on the idea of married men not wearing rings because of concerns of being caught in machinery and losing either fingers or worse. I am fortunately not in a working environment involving machinery that would endanger my limbs were my ring to get caught in anything. I can see that being an issue for many so I would acknowledge the concern and could understand if they chose not to wear it while working. I would think they would put it back on when not working, but I suspect that would not prove to be a habit that would form. Some interesting notions and ideas for possible solutions in this quote:

Wives of ringless men wrote to say a ring won't keep a bad man from cheating, nor will the absence of one prompt a good man to stray. Several people said they got around this problem with ring tattoos (which say "forever" far more seriously than a diamond). And I admired the devotion of the man who lets his wife draw a henna ring around his finger monthly.

The first part there is certainly true. A ring does not automatically guarantee fidelity anymore than a lack of one ensuring infidelity. It is certainly a good reminder and symbol of your commitment. I think the notion of tattooing a ring onto your finger is ingenious. I don't think I would be interested because of the pain involved. I also don't agree with getting tattoos in the first place. That is probably a subject for another post. Suffice it to say, that would be marring the skin I was given and that is not my place to do. I won't tell others not to get one, that is their business, but for me and myself, I will refrain. I don't have any problem with the henna ring as that is only temporary. I do agree that a permanent tattoo does say forever more powerfully than a diamond or a ring in general. It is not coming off after all. To each their own.

All in all, I found the letters and her responses very interesting, thought provoking even. I would encourage anyone reading the article to click on the links to the original letters to see what the fuss is all about.